Big time Bill Murray fan William Cody Watson gave me a moment of his time and answered some questions for AGB.
What is the best way to die?
For me, the only response that comes to mind is in my sleep. That may seem like a complete cop-out and I even feel that it is, but you have to consider the fact, that when I’m sleeping, taking a break from the total chaos that I feel swirls around me on a daily basis — I’m at peace… I’d like to perish during that. I don’t want to be facing the same chaos when I go… But again, who’s to say? I can only imagine that, and I like the idea of dying while dreaming. Other than that? Maybe with a knife in my mouth, and all that that entails.
How do you think you’ll die?
Car crash; I’m convinced.
What makes you happy?
A handful of things… I feel most happy, I think, when I conquer something I’m struggling with — if I achieve something. If I go after a goal and I succeed. That makes me happy. That’s a bit of pride, perhaps, and maybe that’s not such a great thing, but it’s the truth. Other things make me happy: music — even terrible, depressing music — shit, that probably makes me the happiest, because I’m satisfied to know I’m still emotionally connected.
I honestly find happiness in my own melancholy, as ass-backwards as that sounds. I find happiness in my family, my friends, spending time together, learning and growing. I find happiness in other people’s stories. I like to know about other people’s struggles and adventures. But, I also find happiness in solitude, learning about myself. I find happiness in books. I find happiness in liquor. I find happiness in women. I find happiness in humor. I find happiness in sleep and in dreams.
How can you die happy?
I’m not sure I could ever die happy, or if anyone could, really… I’m not trying to be grim here, but I just don’t think that’s a guarantee. We’re all trying to make ourselves happy every day, I think. If I really get literal about it, I think I can die happy when I’ve achieved as many things that I feel are important as I can. I want to create art, be that music or writing or anything that people can connect with. I want to reach people. I want them to feel what I’m doing and, in turn, I want them to feel new things.
Even more literally, I think I could die happy when I’ve spent a year in solitude, maybe in a cabin in the woods… Or perhaps after I’ve wandered in the desert. I could die happy after I’ve kissed a beautiful woman whom I adore. Maybe in the rain, maybe not. Doesn’t matter. I can die happy knowing people around me are satisfied.
How close have you come to death?
I’ve been alive 29 years… And well, I think just being alive you’re always close to death. Everything out there can and wants to kill you, in some way or another. Once you realize that, and realize how absolutely near death you are at any given moment, you start to cope with it… After a while, you just kind of don’t even worry about it.
What does kindness mean to you?
Kindness means being honest with someone. Kindness means helping someone, without a sense of self-accomplishment, without a sense of “what’s in it for me?” Kindness is laughter. Kindness is an embrace. Kindness is a smile across the room. Kindness is a conversation where no one is waiting for their turn to speak. Kindness doesn’t come often, but when it does — you know it immediately, and it washes over you and it resonates.
Where do you find love?
I find love in the fingertips of people with naive passion. I find love in bedrooms. I find love in lust. I find love in record bins. I find love in books. I find love in a deep belly laugh. I find love in dreams. I find love in myself.
When were you most afraid?
I’ve always been most afraid when the notion of losing everything crept up. In those moments when you feel like everything is broken or faulty, and nothing can seem to come together. That’s a very immature and raw way to look at things, but I’m just being honest.
I’m most frightened at the thought of losing everything I’ve come to find my passion within. I’m afraid at the idea of losing things I’ve put my heart into and put into my heart. I’m afraid of losing myself.
How do you listen to music?
Mostly… In bed.