Sorry I can’t do a grand suspenseful reveal or anything because of that image up there. PATRICK LOY IS THE WINNER! He wins. He is an excellent haiku writer. He is in tune with the Enemies List. He is soon to be the proud owner of Mamaleek’s Kurdaitcha on glorious EL vinyl. Way to fucking go! You should not hate Patrick because he beat you, you should be his friend because he is awesome. And you should also go buy a copy of Kurdaitcha because now you’re fucking missing out. Or go hang out with Patrick and listen to his copy.
I gotta say, you guys are some fucking quality haiku writers. SO many killer haikus. It was insanely difficult picking just one to be “the one.” And it feels wrong to withhold from you the wondrous poems that I got to read, so I’ll share some others that were on the brink of win.
Bass drum pounds our skulls.
Drones wash on, hands touch heavens.
“We wish we were dead.”
(If I had to pick a second place, this was probably it. Almost won me over with the excellent choice of lyrics and having a similar haiku style as me.)
It is Krampus Kore:
Scraping your ears like old sticks,
Belching out soul dust.
(got extra points for including this photo of the Kramps)
When business taints art
Deliver me, sound from blood
(totally nailed some of the EL ideas for me)
i should win your game
because i will then wait for
black metal mailed
(I wanted to make Ed wait for black metal records in the mail so bad)
And then there was top notch linguist Mr. Kestigian (of America Addio fame and participant in the HANL live experience) who has one of the best Twitter accounts ever. I was tempted to rule him out because of his association with EL but decided that was unfair (I never stipulated any such restrictions). He submitted a bunch of haikus and they were all fantastic. Here’s a sampling…
Old man chained to chair.
Long beard, nude, taut, tumescent.
Room filling with sand.
I like afrobeat.
what if we add black metal
oh. its black metal
chubby ole bulldog
hangin out at band practice.
wheezing but aroused
I fucking love that bulldog one. Fucking brilliant.
I’m truly honored so many of you entered the contest. Wasn’t quite expecting that much of an audience. Clearly you all enjoyed it, so I’m thinking this won’t be the last AGB giveaway. What say ye?