I’ve been weighed down by some heavy fuckin depression & anxiety issues lately. I feel like I can’t accomplish a single fucking thing, anything that I do is a steaming pile of shit, and it’s making me so tense my body is rebelling against me. Not quite sure how or where that’s going but I know AGB has been stressing me the fuck out. It’s not what I want it to be but I don’t have the time to make it perfect so I spin my wheels and hope it’s enough.
I have so much fucking guilt over it that it affects everything else I do, so I constantly fight myself over whether or not I should shut AGB down. I don’t want to because I love it and I’d hate myself if I did, but then I tell myself maybe it’d be better for my well-being if I pulled the plug. I don’t know if it would or not.
I couldn’t/can’t bring myself to shut it down, but about 2 weeks ago I told myself that I’d put AGB on like a summer hiatus or something. Basically, don’t think about it, don’t do anything with it, just step back, take a deep breath, and wait until something happens. In these past couple of weeks I think I might have felt a little better due in part to trying to keep AGB out of my head, which is why I’m writing this instead of reviewing a new record. I’ve decided the hiatus is real enough to tell you about it and make it a thing.
I’m saying now that I want to come back. My hope is that I’ll figure some shit out or have some realizations or whatever and eventually, at the very least, want to update AGB again because I actually want to and not because I think I need to. I’d still like to do a guide to Hopscotch fest like I did last year because this year’s got some crazy shit in store, but who knows.
When something changes, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, keep well. I’ll see you soon.